Shuang's Poems

秋裳

叶冷风清云意凉，窗黑霜凝裹厚裳。

妾忆输君一场悦，茶浓一本千万肠。

衾暖还巢还应睡，遍地黄金满地香。

Literal Translation: Word-by-Word

Leaves Cold Winds Light Clouds Meaning Cool,

Window Dark Frost Coagulating Swathing Thick Coat.

Concubine Remember Lose King One Form Pleasure,

Tea Strong One Book 1,000 and 10,000 Thoughts.

Quilt Warm Returning Nest Still Should Sleep,

Full Ground Gold Full Ground Fragrance. 

The poem was written the second morning after my husband and I came back from Chicago visiting a friend. When we left on 10/12/2017, the leaves were not off the trees yet. I was amazed by the color change and how the Creator just easily put everything in order through the changes of season, which brings peace to my heart. The rhyme of this poem is "ang," and it recorded an early morning when I had to make coffee for my husband because I lost a bet with him, and we both had agreed earlier that whoever lost the bet shall be the one to get up early to make coffee.  The title of the poem is "Clothing in Fall", but the whole poem did not use any direct words of the fall, and readers can easily guess this is a picture of the late fall because all the nine images in the poem tell the information of what season this poem was written in. The highlight of the poem is the last two verses, which mean "shouldn't the quilt be still warm, why then you are not back to the nest yet? The full ground of gold (means the golden-colored tree leaves) full of fragrance has trapped me here." 

The hint of the last two verses has something to do with my background. I often miss home, thinking I should go back to where I belong as the birds flying back to south in the coming winter. But why am I still here? Because wherever my husband is, there is my home and home is no longer where my parents live. I was amazed by the subtle change in my inner heart. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24, ESV). 

Please note: "妾" is literally translated as concubine, but can also be used as the humble way to self-address in front of one's husband in an ancient Chinese way, which does not necessarily mean that I am my husband's concubine but only means that I am referring my husband and want to show respect, love and obedience towards his authority over me. "君" is literally translated as king, but can also be used by one's wife or friends to address him in a respectful way, which means that my husband is not the king but I think highly of him concerning his virtues and characters. 

This poem was written when my husband and I were planting our garden of vegetables. It helped me to record the joy, peace, simplicity and contentment working together as a couple in the dirt from 8 a.m. until 9 p.m. We were like farmers, being friends with the dirt, seeds, baby plants, and the bamboo fence. Though I've lost most of my farming skills, as a farmer's daughter, what I could not forget is the treasure of humility about farmer's spirit and I missed the life in the countryside, full of laughters and simplicity.

This is a very simple and direct poem, recording the real views in the morning and at night when we planted the garden. The rising morning sun and the falling evening sunset simply describe the circle of a day, slipping away without being noticed. The day went so fast because we have not enjoyed it enough yet, and then it is already done.

The rhythm of the poem is "i." And there are two highlights to appreciate the poem. On the one hand, "晴" at the end of the second verse has the same pronunciation as "情" which means "emotions and feelings." The personification of enabling the "Sun" to become emotional like a human being makes the poem a little light-hearted. On the other hand, what makes the simple poem rich is the two literary quotations from those two old and classical stories in Chinese history. "不相离", the last three characters in the forth verse which mean "not each other depart", is from a story of an extraordinary woman in Han Dynasty (BC 175 - BC 121).

Her name is Wenjun Zhuo and she was from Sichuan Province, the Southwest of China where you can tour for many authentic Chinese cultural experiences. She did not only give up her originally-wealthy family status, which was valued highly around that time, but also she willingly chose to bear the consequences of judgement from the society to pursue her second marriage after her first husband died, which was considered a rebellious thing. She neglected the contempt from the world and worked hard (women were usually not allowed to work in the business in ancient China) to support her husband's trip to the Capital City for presenting his article to the emperor. However, after her husband was favored by the emperor and got a nice position in the court, he wrote a short poem to his wife, simply showing his desire of getting another woman for his concubine. After reading his poem, Wenjun did not slash on her husband's betraying, but responded in a letter with a poem which has been being sung and praised for the past over 2,000 years in Chinese history. While "不相离" was from the responsive poem and her husband reflected his heart and changed his mind after reading the wife's poem. They were happy ever and forever since then. So my intention to use “不相离” (not each other depart) was not to indicate any details of this story, but only to demonstrate that my determination to protect my marriage, from my own sins and from the sins of my husband, is as strong as Wenjun, and only stronger. 

The second literary quotation is about the "两鬓" (two heads/temples). This was originally from a poem by a very famous poet and statesman in the Middle Tang Dynasty (AD 772 - AD 846). His name is Juyi Bai. He originally used the poem to criticize the tyranny of the "palace market", which means that the official eunuch could manipulate their power to deprive of the citizens by forcing people to lower their price of products than cost even to a degree of just taking their goods without paying anything. "两鬓" (two heads/temples) was used to describe the old man who was selling charcoals for surviving and how he was oppressed by the "palace market". The original poem used the comparison of the color between his hair (white/grey) and his hands (dark) to give the audience a vivid picture of his sufferings. While my intention to use "两鬓" was definitely not emphasizing the "sufferings from oppression," but to express a sense of encouragement and contentment that we should cherish what we have nowadays, and should enjoy planting the garden, especially by empathizing what the ancient Chinese people had to suffer just to survive at that time. The other intention of using "两鬓" was to emphasize the fact that "we two" are together, and this is a grace and blessing. 

As you can tell, the above two poems directly and indirectly deliver a sense of peace, gratitude about stability, joy, certainty and contentment about life, because they were written after I became a Christian, knowing that I am just a sojourner on this earth and my eternal home is already in the midst of me, my husband and all other Christ-lovers. However, I have found some other poems I wrote in college and high school before the sweetness of True Light shone upon my helpless state of mind. 

问路   （其一）                        seeking the right way (I)

牛犊不畏虎，                               The newborn calf is not afraid of the oppressing tiger,

出世不知难。                               For innocent and pure is he who has not learnt yet how to fear.

是书生意气？                               You might call it bookish and unwise,

但看血洒幡！                               But behold, my blood over the flag shall prove my innocent heart!

This poem was written in my high school when people came to teach and persuade me how to "survive" well in the student leadership team by giving up my stubbornness of sticking to and performing the rules set by the school. Probably some of you have met across the same situation as me. I was famous of "being emotionless and unmerciful" towards anyone (including myself) who tried violating the rules, and please do not get me wrong because we had 6,000 students in high school and student leaders were very needed to make sure that things should happen in the way that does not hinder others' convenience and benefit with fairness. 

I was always the one to be mocked, slandered and ridiculed by my stubborn belief that we should obey the rules so that other people's interests are not damaged. As time went by, I felt very lonely and helpless. What made me most painful was the feeling of not being understood. And I often asked myself, "what is right and what is wrong? Why haven't people seen my true heart?" The more I kept proving to others the value of fairness, the more I was ridiculed. So I responded to the world with this poem, hoping to prove and comfort my heart, but the darkness of self-righteousness and cynicism kept being hidden in my sin and that poem turned out only to be a psychological comfort, which did not last long.  Few years later, I wrote the other poem...

问路    （其二）                                 seeking the right way (II)

山雨迷蒙雾纷重，                 Drizzle on the mountain mingled with the foggy smoke brings my heart to heavy burden,

杜鹃啼血血泪红。                 Lament of the Cuckoo crying with blood makes her tears turn out red.

君若问妾何去处，                 If the king ask me, the humble one, "where you are going?"

愿作山林野外农。                 I shall respond, "I am willing to be a careless farmer working in the mountain of wilderness."

This poem was written in college (in 2011) when I had to make a hard decision to leave the campus radio station that I loved and served with my whole heart. In order to change the ineffectiveness of how the radio station was managed, I spent a year executing some new policies to encourage the new members to be innovative with their broadcasting programs. The new policies brought new face to the radio station and our broadcasting programs, alive talk shows, and training programs became very favored by campus students. But I then was condemned to be prideful and manipulative, the one who just wanted to show off and take all credit for the success. And leaving the radio station was the only option to prove my heart to the world. I responded my despair with this poem.

The rhythm of the poem is "ong" in Chinese pronunciation. The highlight of this poem is the second verse. "杜鹃啼血" (lament of the Cuckoo) is from a legend story. There was a great king in old times of Sichuan province in China, and he was remembered as Supreme Wang. Wang treated the people with kindness and mercy, and regarded others more than himself. One day, there was a turtle who became a human being and helped the country and people to deal with many hard problems. After observing that the Turtle was very virtuous and capable, Wang decided to give away his throne to the Turtle and retreated himself to a desolate mountain. The Turtle followed Wang's example at the first few years of his reign, but later became very prideful and labored his people with hard works. Those people went to find Wang from the mountain, and Wang wept greatly and felt sorrow for both his chosen king and people's sufferings. Wang, therefore, went quickly to the city, hoping to talk to the Turtle about the right way to treat his people. The Turtle shut the gate of the city to stop Wang's entrance for he feared that his throne would be taken away. Wang shouted with cryings outside of the gate until he died and became a cuckoo. The cuckoo flied into the palace and kept repeating, "precious are the people, precious are the people." 

As a Christian, I do want to remind my readers that this is just a legend, not a historical event. People might have created this story to remind the authorities of the right way to treat their people. Of course, I was not a Christian yet when I wrote my poem, and I could only express my despair and hope in a legend where the burden in my heart could find a temporary place to store.

池鱼掠黑影，晓风怕暑明。Fish in the pond swims fast with dark shadows, Wind in the morning fears the brightness of the summer.
耕织捣晨梦，邻家有书生。Ploughing and weaving awake someone's dream, oh, my neighbor has a student studying at home.
云意归雁去，不忍燕雀行。The purpose of the cloud is going back with the return geese, but how can she forsake the sparrows? 
何时冯唐老？三分尘土情。Says who that Fengtang is already old? Three handful of my hometown dirt can sufficiently prove.

As a matter of fact, no matter how skillful the translator is, it will be hard to deliver the original taste of the poem. So I do encourage my readers to be able to equip yourselves with a good grasp of Chinese language and history. There are many layers to understand and appreciate this poem.

The first eight verses are the real lifestyle in the countryside during summer. I could even smell the fresh dirt from the ploughing, and seeing a diligent student reciting his books early in the morning. What is worth mentioning is those two Chinese characters "书生". Though they are translated as "student", but the English word "student" cannot fully convey the original conception. As a matter of fact, the impossibility to translate "书生" lies in the fact of the absence of related Western culture. China has thousands years of advocating an educational system that only people who pass certain exam could be hired for important positions, like in the court. This "extreme filter" from the educational system has caused the scenes of families going bankrupt to support the son or the husband for schooling. If they (书生) pass the exam, they bring glory to the whole extended family and community; if they lose, they only bring back shame.

What highlights the poem is the last two verses. "冯唐" is a historical person and lived in the West Han Dynasty (BC 202 - AD 8). The short story about Fengtang is that though he had virtues and capabilities, he was not favored by the emperor. And when he was recommended and remembered again, he was already over 90 years old and could no longer serve for the country as he could in his youth. So I used his story to encourage myself that I shall continue serving my homeland with loyalty and passion. I questioned the indifference of the world with despair that "who says the Fengtang, who is over 90 years old, is already old?"

秋                                           literal translation: Fall

卧卷心怜雨，梦里人不知。                (lie down, roll, heart, have pity on, rain; dream, in, people, not know)

跳花舞潋滟，落鱼惹娇枝。                (jumping, flower, dance, ripples; fallen, fish, annoy, fresh and young, branches)

渔光收天晚，槛外流儿情。                (fisherman, light, gather, sky, late; threshold on pavilion, outside, flowing, child, emotion)

泪语驱鸡影，斜阳复林归。                (tears, words, drive out, chicken, shadow; setting sun, again, trees, return)

FREE TRANSLATION:

When I was lying down and dozing, my heart yet was still sighing together with the sound of the raindrops outside; I gradually started losing my consciousness to a dreaming scene. (First two verses)

In the dream, I saw the dancing flowers jumping on the face of the stream, making ripples glowing with brightness; I also saw the fallen fishes having fun with the fresh and young branches on the shore. (Second two verses)

Then, it started getting dark. I saw the light from the fishing-boat spreading its brightness over the lake, seemingly trying to cover all its surrounding darkness. What is the water that flows under my boat? That is the deep love flowing underneath my heart, homesick like a sojourning child. (Third two verses)

Tears flowing over the face of that sojourning child as she was uttering her troubled heart, scattered and confused, she started chasing the shadow of the return coops. Yet, the rain stopped and the setting sun is ready. I should also be back, back to the home as the sun goes back to its forest. (Last two verses)

background:

This poem was written after I already took the TOEFL test and started thinking of going abroad to study. It was quite an interesting story. My family did not support my idea of going abroad to study, so I had to sign up for the test without letting my parents know and had to borrow money from my neighboring brother. When they found out that I have already passed my TOEFL test, they had ten other seniors in my extended family vote for either supporting or denying my decision to study abroad. Unfortunately, I only got one vote supporting my decision. So this poem was composed after the vote and after my long conversation with my family.

Though I was dismayed at the fact that people whom I love most does not understand my dream, it did not stop my love and sensitive observation about life around me. My poem has become more than just a literary way to express my inner thoughts, but a natural habit of encouraging my spirit of appreciating all the beauties around me. As a matter of fact, the second two verses have still been my favorite since then. 

First of all, The sense of quietness coming from the light flower petals that are falling down from the flower trees harmonizes with the sense of motion coming from the jumping fishes that are causing wrinkles of the face of the lake. This requires the composer and readers to have a peaceful mind to enjoy the scene of the harmony. Secondly, one is jumping up and the other is falling down. These two opposite directions vividly demonstrate a picture full of joy, activeness and peace. As a matter of fact, you have to be quiet to enjoy the activeness of all these creatures in the nature. Furthermore, the feast of sight also triggers the sense of our smell from the flowers and the fresh water. In other words, you have to be close to be able to observe all those activeness, and if you are truly close to all those scenes, you must have also smelled the fragrance of the flowers and the fresh water. Thirdly, there is an intentional purpose to exchange the objects in the picture. Supposedly, it is the fish that is jumping to flirt with the branches, and the flowers falling down to cause the wrinkles. But instead, the poem used "dancing flower and fallen fish." This is a Chinese-poetry technique to fully maximize our sensory pleasure. Finally, fish cannot flirt, either can flower dance. The personification of the flower and fish is meant to say that the poet is totally lost in the beauty of the nature. 

Literal Translation (Free Translation):

Yard distant bird utterance melodious and clear (There is a wide-open yard, birds singing with melodious songs),

Quiet orchid has king (man of virtue) (Quiet as the orchid, that reminds me of my virtuous friends, distant).

Tea fragrance not smell flower complain (The fragrance of the tea makes me lost that I totally ignored the complaints of the flower),

Vegetables green how can I mind the humble house (Green as those vegetables, how can we still mind the simplicity of thee)?

Please note: I changed two words from the original calligraphy. 1.) The last word in the third verse "悦" (happiness) is changed into "怨" (complaint). As I gave a second thought, I think "complaint" gives a more accurate and closer expression on my light-heart mood that day. I remembered myself getting lost into the scene of blooming flowers (the quietness of the orchid stands out from those competing and boisterous flowers), and then I was captured by the smell of the green tea that my friend's family just gave me. This "innocent betray" of me from pursuing the scene of the flower to the smell of tea makes my heart echo with the joyful noises of the birds outside. I grabbed my brush on my right hand, enjoying the tea on my left hand, and wrote down the poem on the rice paper with the flow of everything surrounding me. The picture was taken afterwards because my phone storage was totally full at that time, but the picture includes "Four Treasuries of the Chinese calligraphy", namely are brush (mine was made out of mousewhisker), ink (that black log on top of the right corner), ink stone (that circle plate on the right edge of the table) and the rice paper (the white paper, the best type of paper for Chinese calligraphy). 2.) The last two word in the forth verse "舍" ("simple house" in ancient way) is changed into "屋" (a more modern way to refer a house). This change just makes the poem has a better rhythm in the Chinese sound. 

This is definitely not a standard Chinese poem which strictly follows all rules in terms of the rhythm, format and wording. Because it was composed spontaneously, and it was more of a way to record my life.